February 16, 2009

Bye Bye Angst

I was reading over some of my old blogs from my old MySpace page. I realized that they were filled with a lot of angst. I was depressed a lot it seems. A lot of the poems I wrote over the past 4 years were either nonsensical or depressing. I can't explain why, but I found it interesting. Here are a couple of my poems from the past.

I Feel One Of My Turns Coming On

Deep funk once again,
Driving me deeper into despair.
How can I stand alone,
When I am surrounded.

Each day is filled with laughter,
And filled with much happiness.
But I still feel empty and dead,
As if I was an empty vessel.

Crushed under the weight,
I want to be released.
Crushed under the weight,
I want to be free.

Why so lonely in the crowd?
Why so full of confusion?
Why so lost in a room?
Why so unforgiving?

To be close,
But also distant
To be heard,
But also ignored.

Requiem for a Lonely Heart

Write a poem,
Write a novel.

Write a script,
Paint a masterpiece.

Acquire knowledge,
Study hard.
Succeed in business,
Make millions.
Be charismatic,
Be popular.
Be a sports superstar,
Be a mentor.
Forge the waters,
Climb the mountain.
Sail the seas,
Explore the world.
Eat, sleep, live...
alone.

Mental Exhaustion

Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Cancel the reservations
I have to do a photo shoot.
I have to take a rain check
I need to do some editing.

Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Can't make it to the party
I have paperwork to do.
Can't make it to the wedding
Last minute business trip.

Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
I wish I could go
But need to do laundry.
Sorry I couldn't make it
I have to clean house.

Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Can't socialize right now
I have a paper due.
Can't date right now
I have to much homework.

Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores
Can't rest now
To much to do.
Can't sleep now
To much to do.

Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
No quiet time
To much to do.
No time for God
To much to do.

I'm so glad that I'm not so depressing anymore. I mean, yes, I still have some hard times that I have to deal with. But things brighter now in a way. I have a different outlook on the world around me. I think we all need that little change in attitude. We focus so much on what is bad in the world, but we don't do anything about it. Take that negative energy and turn it into something positive. Don't just sit around and criticize, act! Don't trudge around like your life is worthless, make someone else feel special. Focus on the good.

When I was in Pathfinders I remember having to recite the Pathfinder Pledge. The only thing I can remember from it is the line "Keep a song in my heart." However, the phrase has stuck with me. When we are in need of joy...make it. Keep that song in your heart! Turn to God and ask Him to make you happier and to give you a better outlook on life. That way you can go and not dwell on your problems, but go and help others who are probably in much dire need.

2 comments:

Rachel said...

Hey, I'm sure glad you've been happier enough to actually repost those with a different perspective. Hope you enjoy your Halo game; I'm rooting for you ;)
I love you,
Rachel

richies said...

It is kind of a cold miserable wet day today. I'll have to try to keep a song in my heart.

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