It has been a while (yet again) since I have done any writing on here. I find it harder and harder to right when it gets closer to the end of the semester. I'm currently working on a project for my legal and philosophical class. I'm currently "reading" the book Education by Ellen G. White. I say "reading" because the proper term would be scanning. We have the worksheets that are split up into chapters and I'm just trying to find answers right now. However, the stuff that I have gleaned from "reading" has been very interesting and inspiring. So I will have to read the book in its entirety when I'm done with the assignment. That will be one of my goals for this summer.
I'm planning on accomplishing a lot this summer. I plan on making some trips: Mena, Robbie's wedding, and maybe a camping trip...maybe. I also want to read some books I have bought a long time ago and had not finished or started reading. I'm currently on the last book of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and I plan on starting on Innocence Abroad by Mark Twain again. I started it last summer, but got bogged down...or distracted. Who knows. Anyway, I also need to finish reading Lost in the Funhouse, and also start reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and The Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man. If I do well on getting those read I'll start on something else.
I also have several movies on my to-see list that I want to watch this summer, including the new Star Trek movie, Inglorious Bastards, and Public Enemy. I also may see Watchmen sometime soon, but I have mixed emotions about seeing it. I feel that I would probably like it better in the theaters than on DVD, but I still don't know. I'm also thinking about starting a Netflix account, but I don't know if I really should because of my finances.
I also need to write more short stories and poems. I haven't written much along those lines in a very long time and I feel like I need to start again. (Sigh). There is so much I want to do, but I really don't have that much time to do it. Especially if I'm still working two different jobs during the summer. Oh, well. That's life.
March 26, 2009
February 16, 2009
Bye Bye Angst
I was reading over some of my old blogs from my old MySpace page. I realized that they were filled with a lot of angst. I was depressed a lot it seems. A lot of the poems I wrote over the past 4 years were either nonsensical or depressing. I can't explain why, but I found it interesting. Here are a couple of my poems from the past.
I Feel One Of My Turns Coming On
Deep funk once again,
Driving me deeper into despair.
How can I stand alone,
When I am surrounded.
Each day is filled with laughter,
And filled with much happiness.
But I still feel empty and dead,
As if I was an empty vessel.
Crushed under the weight,
I want to be released.
Crushed under the weight,
I want to be free.
Why so lonely in the crowd?
Why so full of confusion?
Why so lost in a room?
Why so unforgiving?
To be close,
But also distant
To be heard,
But also ignored.
Requiem for a Lonely Heart
Write a poem,
Write a novel.
Write a script,
Paint a masterpiece.
Acquire knowledge,
Study hard.
Succeed in business,
Make millions.
Be charismatic,
Be popular.
Be a sports superstar,
Be a mentor.
Forge the waters,
Climb the mountain.
Sail the seas,
Explore the world.
Eat, sleep, live...
alone.
Mental Exhaustion
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Cancel the reservations
I have to do a photo shoot.
I have to take a rain check
I need to do some editing.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Can't make it to the party
I have paperwork to do.
Can't make it to the wedding
Last minute business trip.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
I wish I could go
But need to do laundry.
Sorry I couldn't make it
I have to clean house.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Can't socialize right now
I have a paper due.
Can't date right now
I have to much homework.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores
Can't rest now
To much to do.
Can't sleep now
To much to do.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
No quiet time
To much to do.
No time for God
To much to do.
I'm so glad that I'm not so depressing anymore. I mean, yes, I still have some hard times that I have to deal with. But things brighter now in a way. I have a different outlook on the world around me. I think we all need that little change in attitude. We focus so much on what is bad in the world, but we don't do anything about it. Take that negative energy and turn it into something positive. Don't just sit around and criticize, act! Don't trudge around like your life is worthless, make someone else feel special. Focus on the good.
When I was in Pathfinders I remember having to recite the Pathfinder Pledge. The only thing I can remember from it is the line "Keep a song in my heart." However, the phrase has stuck with me. When we are in need of joy...make it. Keep that song in your heart! Turn to God and ask Him to make you happier and to give you a better outlook on life. That way you can go and not dwell on your problems, but go and help others who are probably in much dire need.
I Feel One Of My Turns Coming On
Deep funk once again,
Driving me deeper into despair.
How can I stand alone,
When I am surrounded.
Each day is filled with laughter,
And filled with much happiness.
But I still feel empty and dead,
As if I was an empty vessel.
Crushed under the weight,
I want to be released.
Crushed under the weight,
I want to be free.
Why so lonely in the crowd?
Why so full of confusion?
Why so lost in a room?
Why so unforgiving?
To be close,
But also distant
To be heard,
But also ignored.
Requiem for a Lonely Heart
Write a poem,
Write a novel.
Write a script,
Paint a masterpiece.
Acquire knowledge,
Study hard.
Succeed in business,
Make millions.
Be charismatic,
Be popular.
Be a sports superstar,
Be a mentor.
Forge the waters,
Climb the mountain.
Sail the seas,
Explore the world.
Eat, sleep, live...
alone.
Mental Exhaustion
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Cancel the reservations
I have to do a photo shoot.
I have to take a rain check
I need to do some editing.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Can't make it to the party
I have paperwork to do.
Can't make it to the wedding
Last minute business trip.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
I wish I could go
But need to do laundry.
Sorry I couldn't make it
I have to clean house.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
Can't socialize right now
I have a paper due.
Can't date right now
I have to much homework.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores
Can't rest now
To much to do.
Can't sleep now
To much to do.
Work, work, work
That is all I do.
No fun and games
Just jobs and chores.
No quiet time
To much to do.
No time for God
To much to do.
I'm so glad that I'm not so depressing anymore. I mean, yes, I still have some hard times that I have to deal with. But things brighter now in a way. I have a different outlook on the world around me. I think we all need that little change in attitude. We focus so much on what is bad in the world, but we don't do anything about it. Take that negative energy and turn it into something positive. Don't just sit around and criticize, act! Don't trudge around like your life is worthless, make someone else feel special. Focus on the good.
When I was in Pathfinders I remember having to recite the Pathfinder Pledge. The only thing I can remember from it is the line "Keep a song in my heart." However, the phrase has stuck with me. When we are in need of joy...make it. Keep that song in your heart! Turn to God and ask Him to make you happier and to give you a better outlook on life. That way you can go and not dwell on your problems, but go and help others who are probably in much dire need.
February 11, 2009
The Economic Blues
It seems wherever you turn you are hearing about the latest layoffs or the stimulus package that is suppose to save us from the brink of destruction. It seems that the message of the day is doom and gloom. The economy is in shambles and people are losing their jobs. It's kind of scary, but I haven't really realized how bad things are getting until recently.
I came into work this morning and started getting ready to go on-air when my boss Randy asked me a question. "How is your job at the ABC?" It made me stop for a second. "It's going fine," I said, "I'm only working two days this week, but things are fine." "Well," Randy said, "I was just wondering, because I heard they fired a full-time employee and they cancelled their underwriting spot." I was shocked me. I had not heard about anyone getting fired, but I began to realize that people in my own sphere are beginning to see the hardships of the economy. It made me stop and think about my job secruity.
I'm currently working on getting my teaching certification so I can teach secondary History classes and maybe Media Arts, but the only reason I'm able to continue with my education is because of the two jobs I have. I'm working at 88.3 KJCR as a DJ for two hours every weekday and then every other day at the ABC Food Center. Both jobs help me to pay off my school bill (along with scholorships, discounts and federal loans), pay rent, purchase groceries, fill up the tank of my car, and do little things for my girlfriend. However, it never seems enough to handle all the different expenses that arise. Plus, I'm having issues with my bank that is making things that much more difficult.
I'm living in a world that is collapsing in on itself, but I'm ready for it. God is my foundation, He is my rock and my fortress. It may seem like my world is falling apart, but I know that my God is faithful and He will come on that appointed day and take me home. Never again will I have to worry about the economy and my job secruity. All I will think about is the glory of God.
I came into work this morning and started getting ready to go on-air when my boss Randy asked me a question. "How is your job at the ABC?" It made me stop for a second. "It's going fine," I said, "I'm only working two days this week, but things are fine." "Well," Randy said, "I was just wondering, because I heard they fired a full-time employee and they cancelled their underwriting spot." I was shocked me. I had not heard about anyone getting fired, but I began to realize that people in my own sphere are beginning to see the hardships of the economy. It made me stop and think about my job secruity.
I'm currently working on getting my teaching certification so I can teach secondary History classes and maybe Media Arts, but the only reason I'm able to continue with my education is because of the two jobs I have. I'm working at 88.3 KJCR as a DJ for two hours every weekday and then every other day at the ABC Food Center. Both jobs help me to pay off my school bill (along with scholorships, discounts and federal loans), pay rent, purchase groceries, fill up the tank of my car, and do little things for my girlfriend. However, it never seems enough to handle all the different expenses that arise. Plus, I'm having issues with my bank that is making things that much more difficult.
I'm living in a world that is collapsing in on itself, but I'm ready for it. God is my foundation, He is my rock and my fortress. It may seem like my world is falling apart, but I know that my God is faithful and He will come on that appointed day and take me home. Never again will I have to worry about the economy and my job secruity. All I will think about is the glory of God.
February 9, 2009
Please a Return to Normalicy...Whatever That Is
I'm exhausted. Through and through. And it's only the beginning of February. I never seems that I ever get enough done. There always something else that needs to be fixed, cleaned up, altered, rearranged, reorganized, written, handled, construct or memorize. My head feels like it is going to exploded with all the information that is running through my head.
Today I had to go and talk to my bank and fix something with my account. I overdrew from my checking account and they charged me $100 in overdraft fees. I had this problem before, but this time it shouldn't of happened. For starters, I had the overdraft protection option removed from my checking account. This protects me from not being able to pay for something as long as it isn't over some dollar amount like $500. However, every time I overdraw they charge to my account $25...which I don't have. Anyway, this overdraft protection pretty much destroyed my savings and I'm still trying to build backup.
I was doing alright with keeping up with my records with my account. But due vacations and several major events in my relationship with Rachel, I was getting low on cash. I thought I had enough for a few cheap purchases, but I didn't realize that I had not entered in some numbers into my checkbook. So my balance was lower than I thought and when I went to purchase a couple of things, I didn't realize I had no money in the bank. But my debit card still worked. I went and talked to the folks at the bank, and hopefully I have everything worked out. Unfortunately, I have to wait and see if they will waive the charges they added to my account. I hope they do, especially it was their fault that the card allowed me to overdraw.
I also have a lot of other little projects for class that I need to get done this week. I have several quizzes to study for and I even have a PowerPoint presentation I have to make at some point this month. I also have to write a sermon. I'm going to be giving a sermon at the Gentry Seventh-day Adventist Church in Gentry, Arkansas. I'm excited about it, but I don't know how I'm going to afford the trip or have enough time to write the sermon on top of all my other assignments. It's just crazy. Still, I'm thankful that God is working with me and carrying me through all this. I couldn't handle all this by myself.
Today I had to go and talk to my bank and fix something with my account. I overdrew from my checking account and they charged me $100 in overdraft fees. I had this problem before, but this time it shouldn't of happened. For starters, I had the overdraft protection option removed from my checking account. This protects me from not being able to pay for something as long as it isn't over some dollar amount like $500. However, every time I overdraw they charge to my account $25...which I don't have. Anyway, this overdraft protection pretty much destroyed my savings and I'm still trying to build backup.
I was doing alright with keeping up with my records with my account. But due vacations and several major events in my relationship with Rachel, I was getting low on cash. I thought I had enough for a few cheap purchases, but I didn't realize that I had not entered in some numbers into my checkbook. So my balance was lower than I thought and when I went to purchase a couple of things, I didn't realize I had no money in the bank. But my debit card still worked. I went and talked to the folks at the bank, and hopefully I have everything worked out. Unfortunately, I have to wait and see if they will waive the charges they added to my account. I hope they do, especially it was their fault that the card allowed me to overdraw.
I also have a lot of other little projects for class that I need to get done this week. I have several quizzes to study for and I even have a PowerPoint presentation I have to make at some point this month. I also have to write a sermon. I'm going to be giving a sermon at the Gentry Seventh-day Adventist Church in Gentry, Arkansas. I'm excited about it, but I don't know how I'm going to afford the trip or have enough time to write the sermon on top of all my other assignments. It's just crazy. Still, I'm thankful that God is working with me and carrying me through all this. I couldn't handle all this by myself.
January 28, 2009
My First Blog: Or How I'm Quiting MySpace
I'm sick of it ("it" being MySpace). I'm tired of the whole...whatever. It seems that MySpace is getting so cluttered with junk (advertisements, attachments, games, groups, movies, music, so on and so on). Every page, every profile, every inch of MySpace is full of...something. If it wasn't for the fact that I use MySpace to keep in touch with some people I would delete my account. I really would.
That is why I have decided to convert nearly my full attention to this blog. Here at least I can control more aspects. And I feel like more people would read my blogs on here. On MySpace I had maybe three or four people that would actually comment on, let alone read, my blog. So...adios Myspace and hello Blogger.
Anyway...
Here is a short poem that I posted on my old blog a while back. I'm probably going to post a bunch of my old poems on here so check back and see some of my work. Hopefully when I have a little more time I will begin doing some more focused blogs about my life, what I'm learning about in the education field, movies, music and general randomness.
Well here is my poem "Musical Interlude". Enjoy.
Compact discs and woven baskets,
Quotations and relevent descriptions,
Arisen dreams and broken nightmares,
Clamber, shift, and slide.
Answered phones and unanswered mail,
Deepened remorse and hightened senses,
Local anesthetic and numbed ambitions,
Clamber, shift, and slide.
Victourious winnings and dubious loses,
Comforting words and harsh actions,
Lingering pain and delightful healing,
Clamber, shift, and slide.
Yet...what does this lead to?
Musical interlude,
Clamber,
Shift,
And slide.
That is why I have decided to convert nearly my full attention to this blog. Here at least I can control more aspects. And I feel like more people would read my blogs on here. On MySpace I had maybe three or four people that would actually comment on, let alone read, my blog. So...adios Myspace and hello Blogger.
Anyway...
Here is a short poem that I posted on my old blog a while back. I'm probably going to post a bunch of my old poems on here so check back and see some of my work. Hopefully when I have a little more time I will begin doing some more focused blogs about my life, what I'm learning about in the education field, movies, music and general randomness.
Well here is my poem "Musical Interlude". Enjoy.
Compact discs and woven baskets,
Quotations and relevent descriptions,
Arisen dreams and broken nightmares,
Clamber, shift, and slide.
Answered phones and unanswered mail,
Deepened remorse and hightened senses,
Local anesthetic and numbed ambitions,
Clamber, shift, and slide.
Victourious winnings and dubious loses,
Comforting words and harsh actions,
Lingering pain and delightful healing,
Clamber, shift, and slide.
Yet...what does this lead to?
Musical interlude,
Clamber,
Shift,
And slide.
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